How Peers Can Be Better Advocates for Autistic Friends
One of the most common questions I hear from parents is this:
“How can I help my child feel included?”
Inclusion is more than sharing space—it’s feeling wanted, valued, and understood.
In this week’s podcast episode, I sat down again with Mandy, an autistic advocate who brings powerful insight from lived experience. Her honesty, compassion, and strength help reframe the way families and educators think about friendship, empathy, and community.
Here’s a deeper look at what we explored.
1. Inclusion Means Wanting Someone There
Mandy shared a beautifully simple definition:
“Inclusion isn’t just saying someone can sit at the table—it’s wanting them there.”
It’s not about obligation.
It’s about value.
It’s about recognizing that someone’s presence enriches the group.
This shift can transform classrooms, playgrounds, and peer interactions.
2. Online Spaces Are Changing the Landscape of Friendship
Many autistic individuals find community and connection online where:
Physical appearance isn’t judged
Conversation flows more naturally
Niche interests build instant connections
They’re valued for who they are, not how they appear
These digital friendships are real—and often life-changing.
3. Peers Play a Powerful Role
Kids often model what they see. When peers:
Direct conversation to their autistic friend
Offer small accommodations (like pace or volume)
Show genuine interest
Extend invitations
Celebrate differences instead of labeling them
…inclusion becomes natural instead of forced.
A simple shift like “Speak to them, not about them,” can make a world of difference.
4. Parents Should Be Active Partners in the IEP Process
Mandy shared an example of a parent who actually sat in on her daughter’s classroom. What she saw surprised her: boring, noninteractive lessons that didn’t match her child’s learning style.
That insight changed everything.
Advocacy is not about confrontation.
It’s about information.
Parents can:
Observe the classroom
Ask direct questions
Compare school reports with the child’s lived experience
Request adjustments
Ensure the IEP reflects who the child is
Being present and involved is one of the greatest gifts a parent can offer.
5. Friendship Isn’t Always Clear—And That’s Okay
One of Mandy’s most powerful insights was this:
“Some of us don’t even know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.”
For many autistic individuals:
Relationships aren’t classified the same way
Empathy is shown differently
Cues may go unnoticed
Communication may be passionate, abrupt, or enthusiastic
Volume and speed may increase with comfort
Gentle reminders and supportive communication help create safety without shame.
6. Healthy Boundaries Are Life-Saving
This part of the conversation was raw and important.
Mandy shared that she did not learn about:
Harassment
Manipulation
Unsafe behaviors
Emotional pressure
…until adulthood.
Teaching boundaries early—especially by middle school—can protect autistic youth from harmful situations.
Boundaries are not about limiting connection.
They’re about creating safe, healthy, respectful relationships.
7. Support Is More Than Information—It’s Follow-Through
Many autistic individuals experience real fatigue when navigating:
Paperwork
Applications
Forms
Digital setups
Registration requirements
Offering to help with these steps is meaningful and supportive:
“Just knowing someone will sit with me through it makes everything easier.”
Being present—even for small tasks—can make the biggest impact.
Final Thoughts: Inclusion Starts With Humanity
Inclusion doesn’t come from rules or checklists. It comes from:
Kindness
Curiosity
Respect
Community
Listening
Believing people when they share their experience
Everyone—peers, parents, teachers, families—plays a role in creating spaces where autistic individuals feel not only accepted, but wanted and celebrated.
Our next episode with Mandy continues this conversation with a focus on finding your people and building community support that uplifts and empowers families.
If you haven’t listened yet, this episode is truly worth your time.
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