47 | Meltdowns, Co-Regulation & Autism Parenting | Lisa Chan
If you’ve ever felt like nothing is working during your child’s meltdowns, you’re not alone. Many parents know the feeling of trying to stay calm while their child is overwhelmed, only to end up feeling frustrated, guilty, or unsure what to do next.
In this episode of the Autism Family Resource Podcast, Brian Keene talks with Lisa Chan, a parent coach, behavior specialist, and former pediatric occupational therapist, about how parents can better support children through emotional regulation challenges. Lisa brings both clinical experience and a deep understanding of family dynamics to this conversation.
Together, they explore why meltdowns often make more sense when viewed through the lens of regulation, executive functioning, attachment, and support. The conversation also highlights how small shifts in a parent’s response can create meaningful change over time.
Listen to the Full Episode
You can listen to the full conversation using the podcast player above.
Memorable Quote
"The biggest takeaway is really going to be the realization that you have more power in helping your child and helping yourself than you realize."
— Lisa Chan
In This Episode We Discuss
• Why emotional regulation is a learned skill
• How executive functioning affects everyday behavior
• What co-regulation looks like during meltdowns
• Why validation and boundaries work best together
• How secure attachment is built through consistency
• Why social skills may need to be taught more explicitly
• How role-playing can support confidence and connection
• Why parents need support alongside their children
Key Themes From the Conversation
Meltdowns Are About More Than Behavior
Lisa explains that when children melt down beyond the toddler years, it often reflects difficulty with emotional regulation rather than simple defiance. Looking at what a child is struggling to manage can help parents respond with more clarity and compassion.
Executive Functioning Impacts Daily Life
The episode also highlights how executive functioning affects things like homework, transitions, and frustration tolerance. When tasks feel cognitively overwhelming, children may shut down, avoid, or escalate emotionally.
Co-Regulation Starts With the Parent
One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation is that co-regulation is not just about telling yourself to stay calm. It involves understanding your own triggers, setting aside worries about outside judgment, and responding to your child in a grounded, steady way.
Consistency Builds Security
Lisa connects emotional regulation to attachment and explains why loving but firm boundaries help children feel safer. When parents are consistent, children are better able to trust the environment around them and build more secure relationships over time.
Social Skills Often Need Practice
For children who struggle socially, Lisa encourages parents not to assume they’ll simply figure it out on their own. She offers role-playing as a practical tool that helps children rehearse what to say and do before facing those moments in real life.
Common Questions Parents Ask
How can I help my autistic child during a meltdown?
Start by focusing on your own regulation first. When you respond in a steady, validating way and keep boundaries clear, you give your child a safer emotional environment to recover in.
What is co-regulation for parents?
Co-regulation means using your own calm, grounded presence to help your child move through overwhelming feelings. It is not about giving in or shutting behavior down quickly. It is about helping your child feel safe enough to regain control.
How can I help my child with social skills at home?
Role-playing can be a helpful place to start. Practicing common playground or school situations at home gives children a chance to build confidence before they face those moments in real life.
Why This Conversation Matters for Families
Many parents are told what their child needs, but not enough are shown how much their own responses shape what happens at home. This episode offers a reminder that parents are not powerless in the middle of hard behaviors.
Lisa’s perspective is both practical and hopeful. When parents get more support, understand regulation more clearly, and learn how to respond with consistency, children often benefit too. Sometimes the most meaningful progress begins with small changes in how a family navigates everyday stress together.
Resources Mentioned
• Lisa Parent Coach website
• Lisa’s emotional regulation course
About the Guest
Lisa Chan is a parent coach, child behavior specialist, and former pediatric occupational therapist with more than a decade of experience supporting families. She helps parents better understand behavior, strengthen emotional regulation, and create healthier family relationships through practical, compassionate support.
Related Resources for Parents
If you found this episode helpful, you may also enjoy these resources:
• Positive Behavior Strategies for Neurodivergent Children at Home and School
• Understanding Autism Meltdowns: What They Are and How to Support Your Child
• Sensory Processing 101: Understanding Your Child’s Sensory Needs
• Caring for the Caregiver: Self-Care Tips for Parents of Kids with Special Needs
Explore more parent resources at:
https://www.pureheartstherapy.com/parent-resources
