Start with the part of the trip your child has never experienced. Show them what it might look like, try a smaller version close to home, and use what you learn to decide what to pack. Give your child a say in the plan and leave room to change it once you arrive.
You’ve booked a hotel with a pool, and your child has been talking about swimming for weeks. Then, while you’re packing, they ask a question you hadn’t thought about. Which bed will I sleep in? Will I hear people outside the door? You’ve been picturing the vacation. They’ve been trying to picture the first night.
When travel writer Dawn Barclay joined me on the Autism Family Resource Podcast, one of my favorite ideas was to try an overnight at a relative’s house before booking a long hotel stay. One night close to home can tell you more about what your child needs than a generic vacation packing list. Here’s how to use that idea, whether you’re planning a flight, a road trip, or a first night in a tent.
Pick one unfamiliar part of the trip to practice
Think through the trip from your child’s point of view. Which part will be hardest to picture? A child who loves airplanes may know exactly what the cabin looks like and still have questions about what happens to their backpack at security. A child who sleeps happily at Grandma’s may be unsure what bedtime looks like in a tent.
Choose one experience you can try on a small scale
Dawn shared several ways to do this.
Give your child a way to end the practice. If they spend ten happy minutes in the tent and then want their own bed, you’ve learned something you can use. Next time you might bring a book outside and try just the first part of bedtime together.
Show your child what will happen between home and the fun part
“We’re going to see Grandma” tells your child why you’re traveling. It leaves out the hours between your front door and hers. A preview can fill in whichever part they’re wondering about.
Use a format your child already enjoys. Look at a photo of the terminal together, find a picture book where a favorite character travels, or make a short picture sequence on your phone. For a first hotel stay, three photos may be enough: the building where you’ll arrive, the room where you’ll sleep, and the breakfast area you’ll visit in the morning. If your child asks the same question again, you can look at the picture together.
Describe the parts you know and leave space for the ones you don’t. For example, you might say, “First we’ll find our gate. We’ll have our snack there. The screen will tell us when it’s time to get on the plane.” That gives your child something concrete to do while waiting, even if boarding takes longer than expected.
Let their questions guide how much detail you add. If they keep returning to what happens to their backpack, spend your time on that step. A child who wants to know where their stuffed animal will be may have little interest in seeing the entire airport.
Pack for the moments your child actually needs support
After your practice outing, jot down two things. What did your child reach for? What did you wish you’d had within arm’s reach? Use those answers to decide what belongs in the day bag and what can wait until you unpack.
Maybe your child slept comfortably using their own pillowcase but disliked the smell of the guest-room soap. Pack the familiar soap and save yourself the trouble of hauling extra bedding. If noise from the hallway kept them awake, consider whether the small fan they already use at home is worth the suitcase space.
For travel day, let your child choose a few familiar things to keep close. That might be headphones, a stuffed animal, a snack they enjoy, or a favorite activity for waiting. If they use a communication device or picture cards to ask for help, keep those accessible during the trip, including while the luggage is stowed. Show your child where the things they chose will go. Knowing exactly where to find the headphones can matter as much as remembering to pack them.
Build one part of the day around something your child loves
Ask a question you can say yes to either way. “Would you like to watch the trains or visit the dinosaur exhibit?” gives your child a real decision. If you already know the family needs to visit relatives that afternoon, offer a choice within that plan. They might pick a game to bring or choose which cousin they’d like to sit next to at lunch.
Suppose your child chooses the train museum. Find out what they want to see there. You may be picturing a walk through every exhibit, while they’re hoping to watch the same model train go around the track several times. Knowing that ahead of time makes it easier to decide where to go first and what you can skip.
Leave some time open afterward. Getting to the museum, waiting to enter, and riding back are part of the day, too. If your child spends the morning happily watching trains and asks to head back for lunch, you’ve done the part they were looking forward to.
Ask what “sensory-friendly” means on the day you’ll visit
That label is a starting point for a conversation. A museum might lower the lights during certain hours while the exhibit your child most wants to see still has a loud recorded soundtrack. Ask about the particular room, activity, or time of day that matters to your family.
You can keep the call short. For example: “We’re hoping to visit Saturday morning. My child loves dinosaurs and finds sudden sounds uncomfortable. Does the dinosaur exhibit have any moving or roaring displays? Is there a route that lets us see the fossils and skip those?”
Here are a few other questions worth borrowing:
For a hotel: “My child wakes up when they hear hallway noise. Which rooms are farthest from the elevators, and can we request one?”
For an airport: “Does your airport offer a walkthrough for families before travel day? Which parts can we preview, and how do we arrange it?”
For a museum or attraction: “What changes during your sensory-friendly hours? If we step outside for a break, can we come back in on the same ticket?”
Use the answers to decide what works for your child on this trip. For more on recognizing when a setting feels overwhelming, see our parent guide to sensory overload.
What if the plan changes once we get there?
Imagine arriving at the hotel and learning the pool is closed. Your child helped plan that swim and packed their swimsuit where they could reach it. It makes sense that they’re disappointed. Give them a moment before listing alternatives.
When they’re ready, keep the update short and specific. “You were looking forward to swimming. The pool is closed today. We can ask about tomorrow. Right now, would you like to see our room or sit here with me?” If your child uses a picture schedule, change the picture with them so they can see what happens next.
You can use the same approach when your child is the one asking to change plans. Leaving the aquarium early may give everyone time for the part they’ll remember fondly, like sharing a snack outside and looking through the photos of the jellyfish.
One thing to try before you book
Pick one piece of your next trip and make it small enough to try this weekend. Put the tent up for an afternoon. Ask Grandma for a photo of the room where your child will sleep. Let your child pack a bag for a local outing, then ask what they’d bring again. Their answer gives you a place to start.
For more ideas, listen to my conversation with Dawn Barclay, author of Traveling Different. Around the five-minute mark, Dawn walks through how to preview a trip, from a first overnight away to a first airport visit. Listen to episode 16 of the Autism Family Resource Podcast.
